Blog Entry #3: Learning from the past
It’s time for the second blog entry and this is going to be a real doozy. The reason being I’m about to write about a very difficult subject for me. I realize that there will likely not be all that many pictures in this, so I apologize for the massive wall of text. But it doesn’t change the fact this is an important subject I need to talk about.
On the morning of May 22, 2024, my biological father passed away. His death was due to complications of injuries he suffered in a car accident. At the time of the accident my stepmother and he lived in Tucson Arizona. I’d be lying if I said this didn’t affect me, it has quite a bit.
In early 2022 my father took a nasty spill down some stairs at his home in Arizona. He later went to the hospital where he suffered a nasty infection. As a result, he had a stroke. I went to see him in fall of 2022 and seeing him was devastating. Somehow deep inside I knew my father was on his last legs.
And I can say seeing the mortality of one’s parents hurts deeper than anything. It’s the kind of pain that doesn’t go away.
In this blog entry I’ll talk about what I’ve been through. I'll also speak of the tragedy of my father’s side of the family. And I'll talk of what I’ve learned from the past of my family.
Now I’ll start off by speaking the truth of matters. My biological father verbally abused me in the first 18 years of my life. I say this because it’s a matter of fact. Yet I also want to say I refuse to see myself as a victim. I say this because we live in a time where too many bad faith actors go around bragging about being victims.
As a martial artist I see victimhood not as currency or collateral. Instead, I see it as an obstacle. The kind to overcome in the quest of the individual for self-improvement. So, as I said I admit to suffering verbal abuse, but I refuse to be a victim. Instead, I choose to rise, overcome, and get better.
I also want to make it clear it wasn’t my father’s fault. My father also suffered verbal abuse at the hands of my paternal grandmother. She was not only abusive but an alcoholic. The problem was my father rather than get some help to face his demons chose to become a workaholic.
My father worked for the Federal Government for many years. Even as he fought his demons and sought to find out who his biological father was. The sad thing was in my father’s efforts to escape from my paternal grandmother he turned into something as bad. Frederich Nietzsche once wrote those who fight the monster should see they do not become one. For when you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes into you.
He and my uncle, his twin brother, had a rough childhood. Because of this I’ve learned to take a sober approach to life 99.9% of the time. Recognizing there’s the chance alcoholism might get me is something that has affected me quite a bit. Besides my paternal grandmother, I’ve had a stepbrother who died from it. An aunt on my mother's side is also suffering the long-term effects of alcoholism.
So that’s why I steer clear of alcohol as much as I can. I’ve seen what abusing the stuff and drugs can do to a person. And I can say I don’t care much for the idea of addiction.
That said I recognize that my paternal grandmother also had issues of her own. She was never able to work things out on her own. My paternal grandparents got hit with a trifecta of bad circumstances. The kind that destroyed their relationship.
The first problem was they married too young. Yeah, that'll do a number on a relationship as sure as anything. Especially when the two people involved are immature and haven’t experienced life.
The second factor was a case of bad timing. They married right before Pearl Harbor happened. "A day that will live in infamy” Franklin Delanor Rosevelt called it.
And for my paternal grandparents it was a bad time because they were still getting to know each other. And then my paternal grandfather got called up for active duty in the military.
Don’t get me wrong I appreciate my paternal grandfather’s service. But still the timing was awful.
The third reason is one my biological mother and I have talked about. And in recent years I have come to suspect this holds legitimate merit. We have reason to suspect my paternal grandmother’s own mother got involved in the breakup. Ah the meddlesome mother-in-law. Always a recipe for good times and laughs all around, note the dripping sarcasm.
So, you see therein lays the true tragedy on my father’s side of the family. My grandmother and my father were never able to quite deal with the demons which led to a chain of abuse.
Now to be fair I don’t want people to see my father as a monster. He and I both dealt with our share of verbal abuse. That doesn’t excuse what he did but it does offer up some context to matters. Also don’t go after my dead father ukase. He’s already passed on, so I say let my father rest in peace as he deserves to.
During the last few years of his life my stepmother took care of my father. And I can say the fact that she was so willing to without a professional nurse has led me to one conclusion. My stepmother is one of the strongest women I’ve met. And I have to take my hat off to her in respect for doing all she did.
Also, right before the COVID lockdowns happened a miracle from God almighty happened. After so long my father discovered my long-lost aunt, that is his half-sister. It seems my paternal grandfather got around after his divorce from my grandmother.
I’ve had the chance to meet my aunt Gay and her husband Chip. And I can say they are wonderful people. My aunt has a mind like a well-sharpened razor. Thanks to her I’ve learned so much of my paternal grandfather’s family. For my father it must've been such a relief to finally know who his father was.
Truth told it helped clear up the fog of uncertainty in my own life too. Because I finally have come to understand the family I came from. And having knowledge of my family roots is something that is more precious than gold.
Some would say the past doesn’t matter and shouldn’t get any consideration. I beg to differ on that count. By understanding the past, a person can learn from the triumphs and tragedies of that time. That way a better future can come into being. Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it the adage goes.
Which is why I’m so grateful to Aunt Gay for helping to clear up the mystery of my paternal grandfather’s past. Thanks to her I’ve learned some incredible things. One example is some of my ancestors the Finney family. I'm proud to say they fought for George Washington in the Revolutionary war. I’ve also learned I had an ancestor who served in the Union army in the Civil war.
So yeah, I can say I’ve got patriots in my family history.
So, I’ve learned a lot both tragic and triumphant. While the death of my father hurts, I understand the bad circumstances he came from. I understand why my paternal grandmother became the way she was. I also understand my family heritage on my paternal grandfather’s side.
And while the death of my father is very hard, I know it will get easier in time. Meanwhile I have to go on with my life and strive to learn from the past of my family. I'll learn from their triumphs and mistakes so I can get better. It’s the only way I can survive and thrive.
Well, I hope this blog entry came out to a reasonable measure of cognitive sense. Thank you for reading and I’ll talk about depoliticizing the con scene next time.
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Thanks for reading this and I hope my next blog entry won’t take so long. Until next time this is Animeman73 signing off. Stay true to yourselves, stay classy, and God bless you all.
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Next: Blog Entry #4: Depoliticize the con scene