Was it really that bad: Dragonball Evolution
Welcome to another edition of was it really that bad? The movie review series where we look at movies that bombed at the box office and find out was it really that bad? And ho boy this edition has a real doozy of a movie. This one is the infamous movie that must not get named. I’m talking about Dragonball: Evolution.
Now before this review begins, please note I am not unfamiliar with this work of Akira Toriyama. I’ve watched the Dragonball and Dragonball Z anime series. So, I didn’t go into this review unfamiliar with the source material. I can say that when I saw this movie in theaters this was one of the rare times where I got buyer's remorse.
Now to be fair, this movie doesn’t have any modern politics in it. That I noticed and I give praise to this movie for leaving that stuff out. Now that said, it doesn’t change the fact this movie is a grade A dumpster fire!
As the movie opens, we get the backstory on how King Piccolo and a giant ape-like creature Oozaru that served him. Okay hold it, hold it right there! In the series Goku turned into an ape under a full moon. But He was never a servant to king piccolo and the Nameks never invaded Earth. What in God’s name kind of nonsense is this?
It's evident that Ben Ramsey who wrote this did not do his research on this series. Which means this thing gets declared D.I.N.O. And when I use this word, I don’t mean the pet dinosaur of the Flintstones. When I say D.I.N.O. I mean Dragonball In Name Only. And ho boy does this thing ever live up to that title.
The scene then changes to Goku training with his grandfather Gohan. Justin Chatwin plays Goku in this. Randall Duk Kim plays Gohan in this movie. But the ki attacks are more like air bending. Is this Dragonball or Avatar: The Last Airbender?! Ooh my head hurts!
As expected, Gohan defeats Goku. What starts to infuriate Dragonball fans is in this movie Goku is a teenager from the start. The problem is in the anime Dragonball Goku was a kid! Is this Dragonball or a teen superhero movie?! This thing gets worse and worse by the moment!
Again, ooh my head hurts!
Goku vents over the fact he’s more like an outcast then most students. And he attends a High School full of cliched teenage drama. Really…really…really?
Goku gets teased by the typical string of trope High School bullies. But he refuses to fight because he promised his grandfather not to do so. The typical trope pacifist routine. Ugh, overused tropes get annoying!
Goku has a crush on one of the girls in his class Chi Chi. Janie Chung takes on the role of Chi Chi. And ho boy did they wreck her character big time. Now to be fair I appreciate they made both Goku and Chi-Chi teenagers. But it doesn’t change how they botched up on this movie big time.
In a hallway of the school Chi Chi has some trouble opening her locker. Goku uses his ki energy like air bending to…open the locker? That’s not how Ki energy works!
This is more evidence this movie is so bad that even Mystery Science theater 3000 would pan this thing! Goku in the fashion of the typical teen protagonist stumbles over his words. And then Chi-Chi invites him to her birthday party. Hottest girl in school invites outcast guy to her party. Did this movie go for that trope?
Oh yeah, it did, and again, ooh my head hurts!
As Gohan is about to celebrate Goku’s 18th birthday the teen sneaks out of the house to go to Chi Chi’s party. There the unremarkable teen boy bullies intercept him and try and keep him from the party. Okay, here’s another example of how Ben Ramsey screwed up big time! They have Chi-Chi living in a mansion.
In the series she lived in a castle with her father. And that brought up a big question, where’s the Ox King? He is after all Chi Chi’s father, where is he? Another huge plot hole, in a movie that has more of them than Swiss cheese!
Now I admit this is another typical trope, but still, I admit it is effective. Goku ends up fighting his bullies. He uses their own momentum to destroy their own property and take down each other. Ho boy getting defeated by the outcast of the school, awkward!
The two get to talking about their lives.
Meanwhile Gohan is doing some meditation when he gets attacked. And his assailant is none other than King Piccolo! Hey, wait a second at the beginning of the movie it mentioned he got buried miles beneath the Earth! How the heck did he get out of there? Gaping plot hole alert!
Also, James Marsters takes on the role of Piccolo.
Goku senses something’s wrong and returns home to find it destroyed. He finds his grandfather who dies in his arms. But before he passes, he gives Goku a message. He tells him to find Roshi his old instructor. He needs to tell him King Piccolo has returned.
And with the coming Eclipse Oozaru his servant will be set loose.
Goku then finds his family's’ Dragonball and receives a strange vision from it. Then the ruins of his home get broken into by a gun-toting young lady. After a brief misunderstanding they introduce themselves. The young lady is Bulma.
Emmy Rossum takes on the role of Bulma. That’s not the Bulma that the Dragonball fans know!
Okay here’s another time out! In the series Bulma was a little older than Goku. But she didn’t need guns, she was a strong and capable woman without them. Ben Ramsey turned her into a Gun toting girl boss trope! That goes against her original character!
Launch when she was in her redhead form was the gun toting madwoman. This is so very out of character for Bulma. Once again, ooh my head hurts!
Now they do keep Bulma as the daughter of the president of Capsule Corporation. And she has a motorcycle she brings out from a Capsule. That part Ramsey and the rest got right. Bulma's searching for a Dragonball stolen from Capsule Corp by a mysterious thief. She wants to use their power as an unlimited source of energy.
The two start out on their journey. After some time and with a little help from Goku they find Roshi’s place. But the martial arts master lives in the city…and left his front door open. Um…why?
In the series Master Roshi was the Turtle Hermit who lived on an island out in the middle of the ocean. This change makes no sense at all as this is unlike Roshi’s character. Not to mention this guy doesn’t even look like Master Roshi. That said they do keep the fact he’s still something of a pervert. After a fierce fight with Goku Roshi realizes he’s Gohan’s grandson.
Of note Chow Yun-Fat takes on the role of Roshi.
Goku explains what’s happened and Roshi joins with the two to search for the Dragonballs. Bulma and Roshi travel on her motorcycle Goku on foot, with a giant pack on his pack. Meanwhile Goku begins his training in Air bending…that is Ki use. Oh, dear God this is all so cringy!
They reach the Earth Temple to train and find it bustling with activity. Goku finds Chi Chi there and learns she’s been training in secret as a martial artist. She's training for an upcoming martial arts competition. This was another something that shows how when Ben Ramsey wrote this, he did not do the research. Otherwise, he would’ve known the Ox King was an apprentice of Master Roshi.
The Ox King is a martial artist so he would allow his daughter to train as one.
Afterward Goku and company continue their journey. On a trip into the desert, they fall into a pit set by the desert bandit Yamcha. Another problem with this movie, Yamcha had black hair. This Yamcha has blond dyed streaks and looks like a surfer dude rather than a bandit. Another example of how bad this movie botched up the Dragonball lore.
Joon Park takes on the role of Yamcha.
Roshi convinces Yamcha that getting the Dragonballs will make him rich.
A couple more problems with all this. First Yamcha wanted the Dragonballs so he could make the perfect girl. Or at least find a way to ask a girl out on a date. Yamcha is a fierce and crafty desert bandit. But when it comes to girls, he's terrified of them.
Also, there was no sign of Pu’ar or Oolong. And those two were integral characters in the Dragonball series. Another sign of how this is not any Dragonball universe the fans know.
Meanwhile Piccolo and his servant Mai have three Dragonballs. And one of them is the one stolen from Capsule Corporation. Gee I guess we know who stole it, what a surprise! Eriko Tamura takes on the role of Mai.
Wait a second, Mai worked for Emperor Pilaf in the Dragonball anime series and manga. Another moment of epic fail for this god-awful movie! Piccolo uses his blood to create monsters to go after Goku and his group. All to get the Dragonballs they have.
Wait a second Piccolo’s blood could never do that in the anime or manga! Good grief Charlie Brown, there is so much wrong with this movie it's not funny. Ooh my head hurts!
The monsters get defeated and Goku uses them as a bridge to get to the Dragonball in a volcano. The CGI graphics even by the standards of that time were very cheesy and low-grade stuff.
Mai disguises herself as Chi-Chi and steals the Dragonballs from the group.
And so, it’s a race against time to get the Dragonballs before the eclipse. All so they can stop Piccolo from carrying out his plans and releasing his servant. Can Goku and company stop Piccolo’s plans for taking over the world?
Now comes the question which is rather rhetorical at this point. Dragonball: Evolution, was it really that bad? Ooh my head hurts, where to begin with this atrocious film?
First off, this movie looks more like a teen superhero movie than Dragonball. Time and time again it’s clear Ben Ramsey who wrote this did not pay attention! Also, what Twentieth Century Fox Executive green lit this project? As an anime fan and someone who respects Dragonball this is what I would’ve done. The moment this abomination of a screenplay landed on my desk I would’ve shredded it.
Then I would’ve hoisted Ben Ramsey up by the seat of his pants. I would’ve plopped him down on a couch in front of a television. Then I would've made him binge watch Dragonball and Dragonball Z in full. Then I would've made him rewrite the screenplay. Because this movie spits in the face of everything Akira Toriyama had in mind.
Goku doesn’t look anything like he did in the manga and anime. For that matter all the characters don't look as they should. Even Piccolo is missing the antennae typical of the Namek people. Thus, adding to the insult of this movie.
I appreciate that Chi Chi is a martial artist in this movie. But as I said she would’ve never had to keep her training a secret as her father is the Ox King. Bulma carrying guns looking like a tough girl goes against her character. Like I said Bulma doesn’t need guns to be a strong female character. She’s powerful enough as is, Launch was the gun-toting one!
Some have said if Frieza and the Ginyu force had been in it the movie could've done better. But I'm inclined to disagree with that sentiment. The characters in this movie got botched up enough. Chances are Frieza and the Ginyu force would've gotten made into a boy band or an 80's hair metal band. Had that happened how much faster would Dragonball fans have walked out of that movie?
Is it any wonder why Kyle Herbert who dub voiced the narrator and Gohan tore this horror a new opening?
This movie was a trope and CGI ridden mess! Chocked full of cringy dialogue and characters who look nothing like the manga or anime. So Dragonball: Evolution was it really that bad? Oh yeah, this movie deserves all the hate. The roasting this atrocity got was well deserved, and it made my head hurt!
Yet while it is true this movie was terrible Akira Toriyama was not. The creator of Dragonball, Chrono Trigger, and so many franchises was a man of legend! He was a creative genius who blessed the world with so much joy and happiness. This man helped make manga and anime mainstream and has left an indelible mark on pop culture.
When I learned of his passing, I and so many others around the world mourned his loss. I’m sure he’s with the likes of Kazuki Takahashi and Kentaro Miura in the afterlife creating all sorts of stuff.
Domo arigato Toriyama-san for all that you gave to us. God bless you and your family, rest in peace great artist.
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