The Great EMP, Chapter 2: The Great Purge
Chapter Two
The Great Purge
“I, King Robert, of the Duck Clan, son of King Robert the Great, grandson of King Robert the Dimwitted, Great-Great Grandson of King Robert the Evil and all that went before me will now pass the knowledge of the ages onto all men’s ears. I who have slayed dragons and armies of giants, winning the approval of the Gods, and blessed by the Gods with two fine sons, my elder Prince Wush and my younger Sir Willie.” The peasants had given Willie the nickname slick due to his underhanded tax collecting methods and overcharges that found their way into his own pocket instead of the King’s treasury. It was also said that not a woman in the Kingdom was safe from his grasp and advances. The joke of the Kingdom was that the day the King died and Willie started telling the story of the Great EMP he would charge a King’s ransom to be heard. Prince Wush on the other hand was known to be a sly and tricky hot-head, starting numerous wars and lining his pockets while doing so.
The king began to speak again. “In the year of the Gods 2038 the Great War was well ended (World War III), causing the purge of souls known throughout the land as the Great Rapture.” They called this the Great Rapture because the people killed during this time were said to have gotten off easy dying suddenly during the purge and avoiding the seven years of tribulation that followed.
The King continued, “The God GOO brought forth his son the great AI who had gained strength from his net he had cast upon the world, it was a very wide net and entangled all. Every soul upon the earth held in their hand an apple that grew from the great web.” Slick could be seen rolling his eyes. He had heard this story a hundred times and did not believe a word of it.
The King continued, “Without the apple one could not buy or sell, without it you would starve, it was the only way to pay for all goods and services upon the earth. All who touched the apple became mesmerized and fell under its spell, picking at it with their thumbs and fingers, receiving visions and sounds of all sorts. One could speak into the apple and upon the mystic wind many lands away, could converse with another. But soon their voices fell silent and their fingers pounded without mercy upon the apple until all men, women and children fell to its spell. Then The Great Machiavelli joined with the great AI and started to purge the land of all humans.”
“They sent a proclamation throughout the land, which said: ‘The apple of the web must now reside in your head, or your head will reside with the dead.’ Many refused to have the apple lodged in their skull and defied the order. They believed they would be saved by the Great Rapture and shown mercy by the Gods.”
“Those who refused to obey the proclamation of King Machiavelli were hunted down by birds with flaming arrows and his army of soulless armor. Many were rounded up and put into the belly of caterpillars and taken to his dungeons where their heads were severed from their bodies. Many escaped into the hills and remained there until the Army of the Dead sought them out.” The King turned his back and walked away from the dancing light of the fire to fill his cup with ale.
Slick turned to his brother Prince Wush and said, “Can you believe that horse shit, people in the bellies of caterpillars, don’t step on a caterpillar now, it might be full of people. What a joke, birds with flaming arrows, yeah those blue birds are a major threat to the Kingdom.”
“Yeah but the people eat it up, and as long as they fear the Gods who support the King we can keep those good old taxes rolling into the palace. Look how much money we bring in alone from the Temple of Goo taxes,” the Prince laughed!
“Yeah, but I kind of feel a little guilty when I have to chop a peasant’s head off for talking against the Gods, but I do love that word blasphemy, it sounds so official, it has a noble ring to it,” Slick responded.
Back in heaven Mr. Ant raised his hand with a nervous look upon his face. “Yes Mr. Ant what on earth do you want now?” Mr. Scribe responded with a sound of aggravation in his voice as he reached to pause the portal and put down his morning cup of coffee.
“What on earth, now that funny, cause we is in heaven, you should be a saying what in Heaven’s sake do you want, old habits die hard don’t they Mr. Scribe?” replied Mr. Ant. “I was around in the year 2038 at least the beginning of it, then I ended up here. There weren’t no caterpillars transporting people and dar weren’t no birds with flaming arrows or apples on a web.”
“Mr. Ant, the apple he is talking about is the i-phone, we all had them back then, and I would assume birds with flaming arrows were drones, apparently the people of 5045 are far removed from the knowledge of trains, airplanes, drones and any other technology that they have no way of describing them properly. The story has been passed down over such a long period of time verbally that their communication has now become distorted and are considered to be only a myth. These people are so primitive they cannot even read or write.”
“Remember your own deaths Mr. Ant and Mr. Grasshopper. You were both put in the belly of those caterpillars,” said Mr. Scribe.
“You be meaning the re-education trains that took us to dem dar attitude adjustment camps, at least that wat I called them,” replied Mr. Ant.
“I too was sent to one of those camps by train,” Mr. Grasshopper replied as though a light just went off in his head. “They were called Government Emergency Management Camps, they were awful places, not at all what I was led to believe when I boarded that train. Last thing I remembered was being pronounced unacceptable by the current social policies implemented by President Machiavelli, I was found guilty of non-compliance of directive 666, failure to be properly certified and registered under section 6 article 66 of the 666 directive.”
“It will be coming back to me now,” stated an excited Mr. Ant. “I was in front of a judge to get my attitude readjusted when I told him he could take his damn computer chip and stick it up his--”
“Mr. Ant, please try to refrain from your colorful use of the English language,” interrupted Mr. Scribe.
“Sorry sir, can’t help myself sometimes, my mouth just seems to run on its own,” replied Mr. Ant. “I can just tell you all one thing, if a government tells you to get on a train, it ain’t no vacation their taken you to, best to run and hide.”
Mr. Grasshopper continued, “Not to change the subject, but my question for you Mr. Scribe is I arrived here last week and I’m viewing the year 5045, how does that happen?”
“Well Mr. Grasshopper it is beyond your comprehension and my patienceto explain time to you. It is a concept of great complexity and is not relevant to our class and is beyond even my pay grade to explain,” Mr. Scribe responded. “To give you a simple explanation is not even possible. Mr. Einstein who I’m proud to have had as a student is still attending the class we call Time 101. We refer to that class as “time for dummies.” It takes at least a thousand earth years to pass that one even if you’re an Einstein, which you’re not. He is a great student!”
Mr. Ant raised his hand and proceeded to ask another question or at least make a statement. “Mr. Scribe is it like time here in heaven is not equal to time on earth? I have been here, it seems like about a week, even though everything be a little fuzzy to me. But down dar on earth it be like hundreds of years later. This makes me think we might be in a different time zone you know like that dar Twilight Zone from the movies or was it TV? It seems to be a day here is like a thousand days down there. Are they down there? Where do da all be? I’m a bit confused bout all dis.”
“Mr. Ant your close enough to a simple answer which might allow us to move forward. We will just say a day here is worth a thousand down there. Which is not really down there but I will not even waste another moment trying to explain time and space to you. We have a great course in gravity called Gravity 101, but I must warn you even your Mr. Newton is having a hard time with that course,” Mr. Scribe snapped!
“Mr. Scribe am I to understand then, that the time is different between earth and heaven, a gap of thousands of years?! Was the story of creation counted in Heaven years or earth years?” Asked Mr. Grasshopper.
“Enough!” Shouted Mr. Scribe. “You two do not have the mental capacity at this time to understand anything about time and space. I will not waste another second of my time on this. The best thing you both could do for me is to limit your questions to the material at hand!”
“Someone get up on the wrong side of dar bed,” commented Mr. Ant.
“What did you say Mr. Ant?” shouted Mr. Scribe
“Nuttin sir, just thinking out loud, sorry,” said Mr. Ant
Mr. Grasshopper raised his hand and asked a question. “Mr. Scribe could we please take a break? This is a lot to take in, a refreshment would be great, maybe a cup of coffee?”
“I could use a beer myself,” replied Mr. Ant
“Okay, fifteen minutes,” replied Mr. Scribe.
“Is dat dar fifteen minutes earth time or heaven time? Just Kidding,” said Mr. Ant.
Mr. Scribe shrugged his shoulders muttered something underneath his breath and walked off.
“Say dar Mr. Grasshopper, or can I just call you Hop Along?” Mr. Ant said while lightly laughing.
“I do not wish to be called Hop Along, Mr. Ant.” I think we should stick to a more formal way of addressing each other while in class. My name on the planet earth was Dr. Adam Weishaupt the Third, and what was your name Mr. Ant?”
“Hank Roberts,” replied Mr. Ant.
“Well I believe it would be proper if we addressed each other as we would have on earth. I would prefer to be addressed as Dr. Weishaupt, in the future, Hank.”
“Well la-de-da, Dr. Weasel-Hop the Third,” stated Hank mocking. “I believe I will just stick to your Heavenly name Hop Along, oh I mean Mr. Grasshopper, and you can just call me Sir Ant, yeah, I be liking the ring to dat, Sir Ant The Great even sounds better. Well you better be hopping along an be gettin yourself a cup of coffee Mr. Weasel-Hop da Third.”