Yayo's Dune: A Comedic Rewriting

"In the year 9000 before the reign of the Vegan Emperors, the universe was ruled by retarded Trolls with long schlongs, Shitlords and conscious Autists. The people deteriorated into the state of Alabama. Then they became victims and slaves of other Autists with schlongs. Finally came the Great Getting-off-the-Couch Revolt, the Boomer crusade against the Autists."

"After the great revolt, Boomers were forced to develop their minds; thus, Kindergartens were established. These Child Day-care Centers were useless and would not change the history of the universe."

"Only two of these ancient Kindergartens remain. One is the Cancer Survivor school, which was established primarily for Feminist students. The function of the Cancer Survivor school is to carry on a selective outrage program among Women. Now the other existing school, The Freeloader Guild or just "The Socialists" emphasizes pure mental degradation. The Guild's Communist Leaders, through the use of the orange-man bad meme, are able to fold political correctness; that is, to guide PC Culture - without moving - from one chair to the next. It is through the Socialist's monopolies on the culture-life of the Media that makes it so powerful."

"Know then that it is the year 9006. The known universe is ruled by the Vegan Emperor, Dyslexia the Fourth. For many years, the emperor Dyslexia the Fourth has ruled on planet ResetEra over all the great houses of the SCHWIEGERMUTTER. The Great Houses of the SCHWIEGERMUTTER are members of the royal families who rule or govern over the major planets of the universe, according to the ancient and crap system of government."

"Two of the great houses of the SCHWIEGERMUTTER are the house of Osteogenesis Imperfecta on planet OxiClean, ruled by Duke Lolwut Osteogenesis Imperfecta, and the house of Fredo on the planet CNN, ruled by Baron Trans Fredo."

"In this time, the most precious substance in the universe is the Outrage Melange; the Outrage increases clicks, the Outrage attracts attention, the Outrage is vital to make Corporations bow. The MSM controls the mining of the Outrage. The MSM is controlled by the Vegan Emperor, Dyslexia the Fourth and the great houses of the SCHWIEGERMUTTER, with the Socialists and the Cancer Survivors as constantly offended participants. This combine is key to the wealth and political power of the universe. It is the emperor, Dyslexia the Fourth, who dispense MSM directorships and contracts to the various great houses of the SCHWIEGERMUTTER."

"The Outrage exists on only one planet in the entire universe - a desolate, dry planet with vast deserts; the planet Interneeet, also known as No-old-People-Here."

"Up until this time, the Baron Trans Fredo has held a directorship from the Emperor Dyslexia the Fourth giving him a contract to mine the Outrage on planet No-old-People-Here. The Baron Fredo, with his two nephews - the Count Pedo and Phile Fredo - live on the planet CNN."

"The planet OxiClean is ruled by Duke Lolwut Osteogenesis Imperfecta, cousin to the emperor, Dyslexia the Fourth. He resides in the ancient Castle OxiClean with the Cancer Survivor Lady Thot and their son, the ducal heir Epileptic Osteogenesis Imperfecta. The emperor, fearful of the Duke's increasing anti-PCness among the great houses of the SCHWIEGERMUTTER, has conspired with the Duke's mortal enemies, the Fredos, to destroy the house of Osteogenesis Imperfecta."

"A secret report withing the Socialists: four planets have come to our attention regarding a plot which could jeopardize the Outrage production. Planet No-old-People-Here, source of the Outrage; Planet OxiClean, home of house Osteogenesis Imperfecta; planet CNN, home of house Fredo; Planet ResetEra, home of the emperor of the known universe. Send a Neck-bearded Communist Leader to ResetEra to demand details from the emperor. The Outrage must flow."

Author's Note:

This does not follow any coherent Storyline; it is just utter nonsense I made up on the Spot while rewriting the Intro Sequence to the Extended TV Edition of David Lynch's 1984 Dune Movie. 

It is an Exercise in "Comedy based on randomness".