Yayo Short 13: A Story about Nothing in Particular
Just like on every Friday Evening, Yayo went fishing at her favorite Spot in the forest close to the town she is living in.
A nice little Sea, filled with sea-bass, salmon and a big whale named Alfred. He is a douchebag who loves to hit seagulls out of the sky with his tail. What seagulls are doing at a sea next to the city, is anyone's guess.
Yayo didn’t mind though. In fact, she did not even care about that, as she wanted to go fishing.
For a lot of people, fishing is a relatively boring endeavor. It is understandable, as fishing requires much patience and a lot of sitting-fat. Against popular Opinion of Yayo, which usually involves portraying her as a jumping jack finding no rest for just the simplest of tasks. This is certainly true, but not when it comes to Yayo’s main Hobby. When it comes down to it, she always has the best luck – catching the biggest and most beautiful Fish – and selling them on her local Weekly Town Market.
Her fishing locations are variable. No place is too remote for her, no fish too dangerous.
Just a few weeks ago, Yayo caught some octopus at the south pole. She also caught a couple of well-preserved corpses, although she does not like to talk about that. Franklin isn’t really her favorite acquitance.
Anyway, Yayo has no reservations for her watery activities. The only exceptions being her accidental sinking of Atlantis, but that was barely Yayo’s fault. Who puts a giant plug at the bottom of their kingdom? “Who even does such a Thing?” thought our orange-haired tricker as she put her fishing-rod together.
It was a truly colorful rod. A red hilt, an orange rod and a yellow string. On the hilt Yayo put a sticker which says: “Home is where the Rod is.” Unless you don’t have a Rod, in which case, you are screwed.
Yayo smiled at her reconstructed rod and now shifted her focus to a small basket laying in the grass beside her. It was full of different kind of bait. Worms, flies, maggots and eyes of frogs. Just kidding, maggots are for noobs.
Our tiny angler was no noob, but a hardcore expert.
Fishing is, as mentioned, a time-consuming thing. Because of this, Yayo always takes a couple of Books with her to pass Time between bites.
- Doctor Maloves Guide to date a Goldfish: Special Bowl Edition
- The Life of Five Random People who ate Salmon
- Fishing for Dummies – The Rod is your best friend
- The Wall between us: Why mortar is important for construction work
“What a nice way to have a relaxing time.” thought Yayo, as she fixed her rod to the ground, then put down a foldable chair and afterwards let herself fall into it.
Ever since the Native Americans were hunted away from these Lands by Columbus, just to achieve his goal of getting the ultimate Turkey dinner, have these waters been the home to the most unusual of fish.
Of course, there are the typical basses and salmons, but there are also dotted-red Slipnoodlers, blue Malkoksers and the occasional chewy Topimops.
The Topimops are real bastards. Difficult to catch, because of their rather temperamental nature and picky taste in bait. What is even more striking, is the insane way to prepare these Things. In order to get rid of the gummy-like chewyness, you’ll need to cook it for 3 weeks. “Ain’t nobody got Time for that.” thought Yayo giggling to herself a cheerful tune.
Once cooked though, Topimops make for great conversation partners. Their topics of specialty are politics, society and the specific ways of how swimming goggles are produced. Be careful though. Never tease them with their lack of knowledge in regional grain harvesting, or you’ll find yourself, head first, in a garbage bin.
Their taste is unusual and highly salty, but nutritious. Just one bite will stuff you for at least 3 days; so, plan ahead.
And for God’s Sake, never eat a whole Topimop. You won’t die, but you’ll suffer severe destruction of your inner intestines – your stomach is going bye bye.
Luckily, Topimops last for a few weeks in the fridge without spoiling, all the while providing you with funny quips for your next visit to your local pub.
The Life of Five Random People who ate Salmon clearly illustrates the dangers of eating outdated or badly prepared fish.
In 1987, Doctor Peter von Gonzer, in his study about old fish, found out, that out-of-date fish can be bad for you. His Study shattered the understanding of science and awarded Dr. Von Gonzer the Nobel Prize in fishology. Finally, people stopped eating out of trash cans and started eating at fine dining restaurants. For 500 bucks: a small fish – it is worth selling your home for that taste.
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Nothing else of interest happened that day, and Yayo continued fishing until the sun had set at the far horizon.
Never did anyone in the World write more than five Fishes, but alas one shall not see the Tree before its dawn.
- Doctor Peter von Gonzer, after suffering a stroke in 1996 from eating outdated Salmon