Yayo Short 16: Incoherence in the Bathroom

"Now, for a limited Time only, the 5 Minute Wrecker. In only a few moments your useless muscles will just melt away from your body. Never will women swarm you with annoying and superficial confessions of Love. Become the fat-ass you always wanted to be and say goodbye to all your friends...."

The TV droned on in the background as Yayo lay half-asleep, at around 2 am, on her over-sized couch.

Advertising channels are a source of endless fun with their exaggerated hype for the most crappy of products.

A belt made of jellyfish, a football with eight corners, a machine that can turn stone into several smaller stones and 500 old pieces of gum for just 19,99$.

Truly, a Sale of the century. Or it would be, if any of the advertised products had any proper use. Sometimes they make a simple process more difficult and longer than it has to be.

"Hot-Dog Man," giggled Yayo as the thought of the little device which could turn wieners into little funny men with arms and legs. She failed to see the point. It is silly fun, but nothing more. The wiener still tastes of wiener - no matter how you cut it.

Our orange-haired menace reached out to the remote control, but couldn't grab it. It was too far away - on the other side of the couch even. "Damn it," murmured Yayo," you won this Time Remote."

"Why do they call it a remote island anyway," a Thought ran through her head," you can't switch channels or turn TVs off with it. There isn't a remote possibility that it even remotely resembles a remote."

She smiled at her own wordplay and slowly lifted her body off her resting place.

Eyes were heavy - mom's spaghetti - Yayo smashed her head into the living room table. With a loud smash, every sense of sleep evacuated from Yayo and full awakeness en-lighted our restless nuisance.

"I wish there was a better way to get rid of sleepiness."

No Time for sleep; she had to hunt Vampires. Those pesky blood-suckers kept on clogging the plumbing. She hated it when the toilet overflowed due to undead shenanigans.

Armed with a plunger and a bottle of "Mister Poop-A-Lots Pipe Free" she kicked open the door to her bathroom.

There it was - a Vampire- looking out of the toilet bowl, grinning a smug smile towards the Van Helsing of Sanitation.

"Die, you foul fiend of the night!" shouted Yayo as she sprayed some Pipe-Free into the undead's face. It burned the eyes and the Vampire let out a horrific scream.

"Shut up," responded the hygienic slayer of monsters," the neighbors don't like it when I hunt vampires in my bathroom - not that this is a common occurrence."

Her quick spray with the chemicals blinded the fiend and opened him up for an assault with the trusty plunger. Wham, bam, dash.

Dozens of quick blows in succession rained down on the Vampires head.

For now he had no option but to retread back into the sewers, which he did, leaving Yayo alone.

Looking after the retreating beast, she shouted into the bowl: "Never come back, or I'll use one of those one-layered toilet paper rolls on you. They are rough, irritating and rip easily. You wouldn't want that, would you?"

The deed was done and Yayo had some piece for now, as she huddled back to her couch on which she, after only a short while, fell asleep to the sound of the TV.