YayoChain: Technology never has been more complicated
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Let me introduce to you the new Innovation in Internet Technology.
YayoChain
Are you tired of being able to just open the Internet Browser of your choice when and where you want it? Are you thirsting for a more complex way of achieving simple task? Do you want to write 17 Lines of code to open your Game of Solitaire?
If the answer to all of that is "Yes."
Then YayoChain is for you.
Our patented MicroBotherNelogogy-Technology helps us bring the most uncomfortable way of surfing on the Interwebs directly into your Home. It does not matter if you want to watch Videos on YouTube or if you want to search up how to self-abort a child on WikiHow, YayoChain will fuck it up.
Load Times longer than infinity, Quality so bad, you can count the pixels, and an UI so chaotic you will need an eye-doctor afterwards.
You can finally relax while viewing a Video; the increased Buffer Time stretches out your watch time tenfold. Enough Time to spend some worthless Cryptocurrency on our Online-Store.
For just 6.000.000 BitCoin you can get a Hat with a light-bulb on it. Awesome? Wrong, its complete crap. Made in China, by some little Children. But psst, don't tell Google.
Looking up something on Yayopedia is unreliable and annoying. Our search engine never finds the thing you are looking for. Trying to look up Donald Trump? What the Hell! Are you racist? Here have some Donald Duck instead.
Searching for some nice Statues? Do you like Alien-Fish? No? Too bad! At least you won't get pregnant this way.
After several complaints from our Donors, we have also implemented a random quit feature. Every time your internet traffic crosses a certain MB threshold, we'll just kick you out. Haven't saved your valuable data. Don't worry. For just 9.000.000.000.000.000 ShitCoin you can get it all back.
Your privacy is very important to us. Your location, searching habits etc. will only be sold to trustworthy companies and countries. China is trustworthy, right? Well, at least the Saudis are paying well.
Freedom of Speech is one of our core values. As long as you agree with us. But lets be honest, everyone who doesn't agree with us, is racist anyway. Since killing is against the law, we'll just delete you off the internet. That is, in today's society, basically murder.
Here are some customer reviews:
"YayoChain is awesome. Yay." -Thomas 24, is being held at gunpoint
"How could I have ever lived without it?" -Sandra 55, doesn't want her nudes released...accidentally.
As you can see YayoChain is the best there is on the Market. The Solution you never wanted, but got anyway.
CONSEQUENCES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!!!