It is today. Show up now!

HOW TO 'SHOW UP' WHEN SHOWING UP IS NOT AN OPTIONAL SITUATION. IT IS TODAY! SHOW UP AT ANY COST UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WHEN TIMES ARE TOUGH, PRESSURE IS ON AND THE CHIPS ARE DOWN. SHOW UP NOW!

Success is a Decision. Success is my Decision.

Remember this, if I am water boiled to one hundred degrees then I can power a steamship or a train. If I am water boiled to ninety-nine degrees, then I can make a nice cup of tea.

Turn up and show up at the full one hundred degrees. Ninety-nine just isn't enough.

Whatever action it takes to keep that water boiling is whatever it takes. Take the right action and do it.  

When I realized that I owned all of the issues that were holding me back and that I was solely responsible for my future success or failure. That I was entirely capable of recognizing the truth within myself. Something shifted and changed in my consciousness. Awareness. A lack of self-awareness had been holding me back. I had subconsciously been self-sabotaging myself in the quest for higher achievement with negative habits, and poor performance masked as average. An unacceptable level of acceptance had become the theme for my normal consumption. My higher consciousness and spirit had abandoned my lower unconscious and left it to rue out a meek and meager existence without a significant level of desire. Far out! I was confused.  

Who the eff! was I? What did I truly want? What did I think I wanted and what was it that I thought it would be good to have. I could only ever establish and recognize a short term wish. Wishful thinking wishing away my life without a paradigm shift to inspire away from this null and void existence of a life I had chosen to accept and eke out frugally, poorly, and desperately sad to say the least against my potential. The abundance of love and joy, ultimate bliss, and wealthy abundant potential. Why didn't I want what I believed was possible, the I was capable of. Why did my attitudes, behaviors, and actions not mirror those actions of someone who genuinely wanted to achieve my potential so obviously? Spoilt? Was I so spoilt that I thought it unnecessary to chase higher levels of accomplishment than a lull in mediocrity? Feck! I was confused.

Who was I and who was me, and what was the difference between my thoughts and I, my habits and actions, and higher conscience. If I was he, and who was me, then who was who. Where were they and why did I not compound a spiritual high. Fright! I was confused.

No wonder I never showed up. When the cowboys were in the game riding the rodeo bulls and horses in the main ring. I was pretending to be a wannabe clown outside the main arena, fooling no-one but myself. Even the clowns in the main arena had a job to do and did it well in synchronized unison with a bigger picture combined with self-esteem that knew a job well done, was worth a day's pay to boot. I wasn't even on the sidelines. Something needed to change.  

Getting on the sidelines to witness the game was the first step. The next step was the decision. A decision to go pro, to be a professional at whatever it was I was going to do. Amateur and average were the hallmarks of my highest accomplishments to date. Something needs to change.

A compass or a guiding light to guide me on my way, to lead me forward. Something to signal that I was on the right path, please. I was alone. With my enlightenment, I remembered the buddhas quote before enlightenment chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment chop wood and carry water. My fucking confusion wasn't going away, it was what it was, I just had to work around it, and this was to be my new normal daily modus operandi. Seriously giving a fuck. Wanting what I wanted like I needed air to breathe after being held under the water aggressively with an intent to distress. This was my life goddammit, I needed to fight for it. No external descendence of angels or any external shift should ever have been expected. My shift was in me, in my thoughts, in my desire, in my choice of action, and in my decisions. Success is a decision, success is my decision.

If it is to be, it is up to me.

This isn't a dress rehearsal.

I don't want to be the pretend clown, clowning around outside the main event, making no observations of the game. I want to be a winner, winning in the game, and winning at the game. Loving the game and laughing at the absurdity of even being recognized as a winner on the victory dais, a winner of the prize money, a winner of women's charms, a winner of anything external material or chased. Ludicrous it was. Winning for me was just to be, in the game, in the right game, at the right time, doing my thing, to a level of professionalism that I respected in myself. Playing hard out, full out, all in and at the full one hundred degrees. Exhausting, exhilarating, exuberantly, experiencing fully each and every glorious beautiful moment in truth. Being totally immersed at the moment and amassing my skill in the game. Achieving trust in myself in blowing my own expectations out of the water with mortar rounds. Obsessed and obsessive I was to be at being professional, real, and true to myself. To experience my life as it was granted unto me to choose. I was free to accept or reject. Punishment or reward.  

Success is a decision, success is my decision.