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Loneliness in Homeschooling

RenBloggerDec 13, 2017, 6:13:17 PM
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Recently, in #Renshomeschooljourney:

The Girl expressed that she was feeling lonely.

According to this TEDx talk, her generation is scared to death of being alone. As usual, I'm raising counter culture kids.

We talked. We do that a lot lately. She comes to me for help working through life's issues. Lucky for her, this is one of many life experiences I've both had and, I think, navigated successfully.

We read Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: ..." and talked about seasons of life and not missing their purpose!

1. Every teen feels lonely, even the ones who seem to be surrounded by friends and constantly involved in activities.

2. Teen "loneliness" is sometimes really just boredom.

3. This loneliness has to do with an imbalance in desire and ability. Let me explain:

She's had an awakening in social desires, but she's dependent on her father and I to get her to social activities. She currently has regular sleepovers with her best friend, goes to an art class, and goes between 2 different youth groups. She's not locked in a closet, but there are 5 of us in this house and we're not all going to revolve around her desire to be out every night.

She wants to be around other people. OK, I get that, but, right now, she's getting what we can provide.

She's in a season of loneliness. Her attitude will determine whether or not she misses it's purpose.

I told her about the people at CHRE who are trying desperately to claim they were abused in their homeschool experience, often siting the "abuse" was loneliness. Now, maybe their parents didn't give them space to communicate privately with friends or maybe they really had no extra-family contact, but whatever their case, they're out in the world interacting now, yes? They had a season of loneliness and missed its purpose because they were too busy wallowing in their feelings. I told her that she could get through this season having used it wisely, or she can grown up and be bitter about it as these people are.

I had a season of loneliness when I first became a Christian. I had alienated all my old friends with my antics and I hadn't yet made new friends at church. It was an entire winter I spent alone and I spent it studying my new faith and memorizing SHEETS of bible verses, which were meaningful to me.

That season came to a close, as they all do, but what I did 20 years ago, during that lonely winter, still benefits me today. Finding the purpose in the lonely season doesn't take away the feelings, but it calms them and, if you find the purpose in your season, you may find yourself looking back at that time longingly.

I reminded the Girl of what she does have (and because we're not hovering parents, that includes her online and phone connections with friends of which she is in control), and reminded her of what is shortly before her:

1. She's a half year away from getting her driver's permit.

2. She's a half year away from looking for a part-time job or intern/apprenticeship (I'm rooting for apprenticeship - free work for a local artist in exchange for help in the craft).

3. She's a year and a half from being able to go for her license, at which point she will no longer be dependent on us to get her around.

Very soon, her lonely season will be over. So, too, will be the opportunity to take advantage of its purpose.

She, then, remembered a comment from a past homeschool helper who still keeps in touch: "Sometimes I miss having time to work on my art ...", now that she has a full time job and is taking college courses.

Since the pursuit of her art, and a few other things she'd like to learn, is what came to her mind, she walked away from the conversation with renewed purpose and the weight of her emotions lifted.

Can you imagine understanding purpose in loneliness at 14 years old? Can you imagine how solid and prepared my kid will be in a world of peers who are scared to death of what she is able to navigate?

And, why are they scared? The speaker addresses the frightful world of "mass murder" and "terrorism" which they're growing up in, and the hyper connectivity of social media and, for them in particular, social games which they have always known. I'll add that, at the educational level, collaboration is pushed as a high value. Our school system is shifting from independent work and success, to group collaboration in every area - creating little collectivist Borg units of people incapable of functioning on their own.

Frickin' #homeschool your kids. Make them ready for real life.