I AM NOT A PSYCHO, I LIVE WITH A WRITER!!

I use to think about those easy jobs out there then when I was a kid. You know like being a writer… easy right? Nope.

I used to think these people have it supper easy they just sit at a desk all day banging away on their keyboards and a week later they had a book. Within the month it would be published and they would be rolling in cash. Boy was younger me so very naive.

Just over ten years ago now I met my husband, through a friend, we would all meet up for coffee and fandom out like the best of them over movies, books, music, you name we talked about it.

I soon found out that my writer had been writing his own adventure fantasy book, he wrote in his down time for fun so it took a lot of prodding and poking to get him to let me read the first draft of his first book (I later found out that there were 2 and ½ books written at this point). He got up and went to work, came home wrote a few things down and bang a book… still easy right? Nope!

Let’s fast forward to today, 10 years later, we have been through the publishing of seven of the books in this series and let me tell you writing is not easy guys. I thought I would give it a try and took it up as a hobby, my characters drive me nuts, I have 18 chapters down over 3 years ( I get into a lot of writer blocks with my characters… it’s mostly their fault they don’t do as they are told). It got really bad at one point that I scrapped the whole book and started over… twice!! My Hubby told me to try blogging, “but people will read it” I whined, “okay you don’t have to put it up but it will keep you in the writing flow and maybe light up the way for you to get passed that block.” I tried and wrote about three articles on really random stuff, for me it didn’t work, so the book sits gathering digital dust until I can get passed that block, and it made me sit back and think… How does he do it? On a great day he can knock out a book within a month or two, and then it goes through the editing process, when he is fighting with his own blocks it can take longer, so I sat back and took it all in.

I live with a writer and when people ask me what it’s like I tell them this:

Living with a writer isn’t easy guys; they hibernate like seriously you see them in the morning, get a quick chat in before they grab their coffee and disappear into their “DEN” to write. I check on my writer around every hour and do my check list, and remember if you hear the keyboard clacking approach with caution (or not at all, you know they are awake and functioning)… it could very well be the difference between an epic scene and writers block:

• Do they have enough coffee?

• Do they want food?

• Are they up right in their chair or did they “brain crash” and pass out – if this is the case get them to a bed.

If they do emerge for their own sustenance and they are talking or mumbling to themselves don’t reply unless they make eye contact they are probably talking to their characters to figure something out for their next plot line, or some snarky verbal assault doesn’t sound right so they verbalise the characters lines out loud over and over until it does. This one is always fun, your writer can be easily distracted if they want to be, and it will open up an in depth debt about their characters and their world, you are the ultimate fangirl/boy if you are invested in what they write.

Your writer will probably write most of the night away too, they are daydreamers and night thinkers, it also helps that it’s super quiet at night and they really will thrive more during the twilight hours then when the big hot ball we call the sun is up. And contrary to popular beliefs they really do plan out what adventure they will be going on. There is research coming out of their ears and plans drawn on whatever scraps of paper they can get their hands on so they can then digitalise them and store them on their six gazillion TB hard drive, and their filing system, oh gods, if your writer ever asks you to get them something from their filing system, ask for a map, sat nav, a compass, a file family tree, anything to help you get it for them… and never tell them their system needs to be reorganised. It works for them, everything is exactly where it should be and super easy for them to find even if you need Einstein to help you navigate it, they don’t.

Your search history: My writer seems to think I am a search engine wizard, I can find stuff in minuets he has spent hours looking for. It is not because he cannot work a search engine it is because his head is cloudy with plot lines and conversations and destination of his characters, so if you are lucky enough to be asked to help research be prepared for your search history to be full of things like “how many times can you stab a person before they bleed out and die” or “what is the deadliest slow acting poison” oh and my fave would be “how to blow S*** up in the most epic way.” They are not always this deadly either it could be, would half a dozen eggs have the same value as a loaf of bread, how to naturally dye clothes and can you make cloth from bamboo or nettles, by the way yes you can. Some of your search history may turn into real life experiments so they can describe it properly in their books so be prepared for a little mess and lots of fun if this is the case.

A lot of research goes into their books and you only notice exactly how much if you are involved in it, and it can be frustrating for them when they can’t find what they need.

Prepare for the grump to come out in your writer. If they have had a big writing session and not collapsed into their coma yet they will get grumpy, they want to sleep but their head has yet to turn off so bear with them. If they want to write but are out they will get grumpy, they need to get that awesome come back or epic fight scene down on paper and fast. If they are not writing they will get grumpy. They want to write, they have it all planned out in their heads or on paper, but something just isn’t right, the way that brick would fall is wrong or that guy doesn’t fall right when stabbed, I know this sounds crazy but as they plot and write they see their words as a movie inside their heads and can get fixated on the smallest detail that isn’t right, or on that one link that could give the whole plot away is to blatant and needs to be more complex but not too complex, because they want you to think it’s important but not important and it turns out to be only relative.

Remember no matter how grumpy your writer gets they love to write. Like an artist loves to draw or paint and a dancer loves to dance, it is their passion and even though they may tell you they hate it when they are in a slump they will always write. It is a part of them.

Your writer maybe labelled a snob, aloof, ignorant to name a few when out at public engagements. You will always be able to tell when your writers has just had an idea for their book, their eyes glaze over, they have their new idea and are in the process of pulling it apart and making it work, and they go into auto response with the nodding and the smiling, or they excuse themselves halfway through someone’s question, they have not realised that person was talking, to try and write down or make a voice note on the phone, so they don’t lose the idea completely. When this happens at home I smile and pack my writer off to his “den” with supplies.

Okay guys I could totally write about the ins and outs of this subject all day so maybe one last point before I sign out.

Remember life with a writer may put your in danger…. No I’m just kidding, but the one point I haven’t touched on yet is their “writers high”. You will probably experience this when your writer has finished a particularly epic fight scene, remember your writer can see, smell, and feel what their characters feel when they are involved and this extends to the adrenaline their characters would feel when fighting for their lives. So if they bounce out of their “den” and state rather boldly, “WE’RE GOING ON AN ADVENTURE!” At this point do not nod, smile and agree. Drop everything you are doing and clarify whether they mean their characters or your family unit, it could go both ways and they might disappear back into their “den”. However if they don’t, ask about the details of this particular adventure. We went on one once and we ended up cliff walking… I was terrified, I do not love heights, but I also didn’t realise we were so close to the edge (not life threatening to normal people and we weren’t really that close to the edge, it was my active imagination playing in overtime, both an up and downside to life with a writer) but I stepped up, you know face your fears and all that, and it was an adventure I will never forget. The kids had a great time, and my writer and I came back from this adventure super chilled out. We packed so much in to three days it felt like we were there for weeks. It may be something as simple as a walk or going out to the pictures but I had to warn you about their “writers high” before I signed out.

Now I know I have probably missed and awful lot out of this article but I can’t give away all the secrets can I now? One day I may follow up with another post on the bits I missed out but for now I hope you enjoyed reading.