What you resist, persists....

It's now April,  in the Pacific Northwest of Washington State.  I am completely SICK of this weather, and I have some real perspective on this.  Let me explain.  The last 4 years, I have worked as an expat in Dubai and Iraq.  My work schedule was 28/28.  So, 28 days of straight work, then I could fly off to anywhere in the world (as long as it was not a further distance than Basra,Iraq to Seattle).  This allowance truly opened up the whole world to me to explore.  I spent at least 5/8's of all those rotations roaming over Cambodia, Vietnam, Thailand, Philippines to name a few.  I soaked in major sunshine and good times.  

I got a sever kick in the nuts at the end of November.  We had a wonderful marriage on a beach in Krabi, Thailand and then honeymooned in the Maldives.  I was on top of the world, and truly thankful for all my blessings and fortunes.  I need to repeat that, as it is key to my story..........Every day, especially during my shower time, I would express my gratefulness to "God"/The Universe/my Guides/ or whichever label you feel comfortable with - as I'm not quite sure myself.....But, GRATEFUL and THANKFUL I have always been.

A couple weeks after our honeymoon, I was notified that my job (our whole department) was being dismantled in Iraq and I needed to begin my search for another job.  Now, I've been with this fortune 500 company for 23 years, solid and faithful employee, 49 years of age - and now this news.  I went from total elation in Maldives, to flying home late November to Seattle, where I'm still currently at.  As I opened, it is now April.  48 Resumes and applications later, I have not received ONE reply.  I'm am dumbstruck.  I have a ton of experience, qualifications and background, and not ONE reply or offer.

What makes it even more miserable, I think I've only seen maybe 5 days of the sunshine since November.  Has been raining for MONTHS!  I grew up here in the PNW, but didn't have another perspective to relate this to, as I do now.  I can tell you, the condition S.A.D. (which I always questioned as absolute bullshit) is 100% true.  I have felt it, and still feeling it.  It's too the point, that I have decided that I am open to the fact of picking up and moving out of this state mainly due to this weather.  A lot of seniors up here in this neck of the woods, we call "snowbirds" - meaning that in about October, they fly/drive out of here, heading South to Arizona/Mexico/Texas or some other warmer climates for about 6-7 months, most returning in April.  The other reason for this, and I can vouch for this too, I can't think of many other places more desirable and lovely to be on this globe then the Spring and Summer months.  It truly is God's country during those few months.

News of my job ending, has triggered back severe depression, which I have suffered from for years.  I have been in panic mode, yet try to remain "normal" and positive for my new wife's sake.  Yesterday, I met with a "life coach" and intuitive lady I've been seeing.  She does "channeling" and other forms of intuitive practices.  This was our 3rd session together.  Hell, I'm open to ANYBODY who can give me insight on how to proceed.  She closed her eyes, as I did, and I took some deep breathes to calm my body and breathing - and she did her "thing".  This went on for about 3 min.  When she looked at me, she had pen in hand - and began writing for a few.....Then, she looked at me and said "Can you guess what came through so strongly to me?"  Ofcourse, I said "no, please tell me".  She says, "A vivid picture of a 4 leaf clover came to my mind so very strongly.  Jeff, you are so very LUCKY!  Life is telling you that you have not been living your passion, and you are NOT meant to be doing what you are doing.  You are pursuing with all your might, finding another position in your company, and LIFE really really needs you to STOP!  You, my friend, are going to go into a different direction."

This made absolute perfect sense to me.  I am so weary of worrying, searching throughout the company database for ANY jobs that may be available. I've been doing this for 4 straight months, and I'm spent.  I've sent out 48 C.V.'s and cover letters, and have been shocked that I have not ONE reply.  I honestly think, if I sent out 148 of them I would have the same result.  So, today I have decided to stop this nonsense.  I need to learn to surrender and rest.  I need to quiet my soul, spend some time in the PRESENT moment (mediation) and learn the art of listening to God.  I have been "RESISTING" being out of my normal routine - and guess what??  It has been "PERSISTING".

I am a musician at heart.  I play saxaphone, drums, piano.  That is what gets my flow.  I can't imagine making a living at doing that, but maybe I need to find some others that enjoy that same.  I need to engage in my passion, and this may lead to other opportunities.  I enjoy books.  I love them!!  Possibly, I might consider learning the art of writing my own book(s) and sharing all of the wonderful adventures that I've been on.  One that stands out to me, is "Eat, Pray, Love" written by Elizabeth Gilbert about all her adventures through Bali etc. In fact, it was due to that very book that I found myself in Bali and Ubud for a month of my own, finding the magic of the place.  I've never considered doing anything other than what I'm doing.  I have a good job with an oil company, and have been doing this since I was a wee kid of 25.  Possibly, I am to be doing something different.  

Today, I start a new path.  A new choice.  The choice is surrender, and acceptance.  The "unknowns" of life scare the absolute SHIT out of me, as I'm one of those Virgos that must have all of their ducks in an absolute straight line.  Order, is the happy place for me.  

When I arrived at work this morning, I searched for a picture of that 4 leaf clover.  I found the picture that resonated with me, then printed it out and pinned it to my office wall as a reminder.

Jeff, YOU are lucky!  You're gonna find that out - and YOU are loved.