Never spell "elohssa" backwards; or don't buy pills from doctors in alleyways

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore—

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

“’Piss of you twat” I muttered, “it is 3 am. 

Now, half awake, Yayo laid in her bed, eyes wide open, looking at the ceiling. "Well, Yayo. You have finally awoken." said the ceiling forming a huge crack in the form of a smile. In moments like this Yayo wondered if she should lay off the green pills her doctor prescribes to her every week. Come to think of it, the pills are quite expensive, and why is her doctors office behind some dumpsters? While she pondered about the legitimacy of her care physician, Yayo turned her head towards the window. The sky was full of stars. No, just one star and quite a big one at that. So big in fact that it enlightened the entire sky. This is when Yayo realized, it was 3 pm not am and the sun was out in all of her glory. Yayo continued to stare outside for a quite a while not quite grasping the theory of relativity. "Sun," whispered Yayo in an annoyed tone," didn't I tell you to stop rising so early?" Yayo waited, as if she expected a response. She had a habit of talking to inanimate objects, knowing fully well they wouldn't respond. "It's for the sake of comedy," shouted Yayo up at the narrator," and would you please increase the pacing of this story." 

Finally finished bickering with the giant ball of gas, Yayo decided it was time for breakf..."Lunch." interrupted Yayo the narrator. It was time for lunch. Yayo lived..."Why are you telling this story in the past tense?" asked Yayo the narrator in the middle of his sentence," its happening right now, is it not?" "I tell you after this story ends, okay?" I responded. "Fine." Yayo retorted. Yayo lived in small flat with 3 rooms, not counting the corridor connecting all 3 rooms. Although, Yayo kept her collection of strange books in said corridor. She liked collecting weird stuff. Footballs with corners, towels with Elvis's face stitched on it, etc. Yayo was the proudest of her book collection.

Master Singsungs guide on how not to talk to penguins

The day I met uncle Theodore and turned into my sister

Yesterday was the day before today: And other stories nobody cares about

Help! My soup is frozen: the autobiography of a snowman

Sleeping with the fishies: how to be a good gangster

The Bible (Yayo keeps this one in the fantasy section)

She never really believed in God, in fact she knows he exists, although not quite how he is portrayed in that dusty old book. Looking at the Bible, Yayo, in her head, recalled the day she met god. It was a couple of thousands of years ago in Babylon on top of a giant tower built by the ancient people she met him. "Jo God," she said," committed any genocides lately?" Maybe she shouldn't have asked that. The next thing Yayo could remember was, that everyone spoke a different language. Suffice to say, God doesn't take criticism well. A couple of years later Yayo met god again in Jerusalem. She kept on asking him if he was okay and if he needed some wet towels. Jesus did not respond. Perhaps she should have asked him before he was crucified. This is what you get for mistaking a crucifixion for a rave party, as if they had that in ancient times. Back then even loud farting had a death penalty on it. "I loved all the fancy dinner party at Pilate's place." thought Yayo while drooling all over the floor. The thought of grilled pig filled with grilled pigeons made her mouth water. "I know!" shouted Yayo excitingly," I am going to make some Burgers."

THE END

...

"What a stupid way to end a story," criticised Yayo. The narrator ignored Yayo's objections, because his hand started to hurt. 

"Okay," continued Yayo," you end your story and I'll go shopping for the hamburger ingredients."   

Special Thanks to Edgar Allan Poe.