Right Here, Right Now

How to NOT write a song

When my kids were teenagers and I was newly divorced, I started playing the piano again on a daily basis. I have always struggled to get the notes right when playing published music. But I love making up my own little tunes. This time it was different. I found myself creating my own songs that went way beyond “little tunes.” I used the whole keyboard, made numerous key changes and it was a big and beautiful sound. I wrote song after song; they came rushing out of me. I played every one of them every day. It was a magical time. I couldn’t believe this new ability blossoming out of me. I woke up early, stayed up late and skipped laundry and dishes to play as often as I could. Here is one of my songs from that time:

But — and here it comes — I only recorded a very few of these gems. And some of them were REALLY good! Why didn’t I record all of them? Well, I didn’t want to mess with that, I just wanted to play! I didn’t really know how to record them properly. And — I gave birth to these songs. They came out of my heart and soul. I couldn’t forget them.

Of course, I did forget them. (It still hurts me to say that. It really hurts.)

It was so stupid! Like taking a handful of diamonds and leaving them on a park bench. Oh, the regret and sorrow of losing those songs! How I have condemned and chastised myself.

There’s been a lot in my past to feel bad about. But I’ve had a lot in my future to feel bad about too. Will I ever lose all this weight? How will I ever earn enough money to support myself? How can I get my book finished and find a publisher? Will I ever figure out how to keep my house clean?

“Who’s the captain, now?”

Most of my life has been hijacked by the past and the future. The past is all about guilt, disappointment and failure. The future is all about the fear of more guilt, disappointment and failure. My present was completely spent on trying to manage the past and the future. I know you’re supposed to live in the present. But how can you when you’re getting clobbered by the past and the future all the time?

Verbs to the rescue!

When I started reading Psalm 23, I noticed that almost all the verbs were in the present tense. “The Lord IS my shepherd.” “He LEADS by the quiet waters.” “He MAKES me lie down.” “He restores my soul.” “He GUIDES me in paths of righteousness.” “In the valley of the shadow of death, you ARE with me.” “You ANOINT my head with oil”

That stopped me. I had to think about that. I’m still thinking about it!

All the things the Shepherd does are happening right now. And right here. All that leading, guiding, comforting, feeding, protecting is happening at this very moment. I am in the middle of it — right now. I was in the middle of it back when I read it the first time. And I will always be in the middle of it. Because my Beloved Shepherd is present.

He is continually present.

Wow. That blows me away.

Anchors Aweigh!

More than just being present, I see that he is my anchor to the present. When the past and the future are beating on me, I can obsess and completely lose my way. This happened just yesterday. I’ve been down with a bad cold that has left me really dragging. I had my writer’s group to go to but, honestly, I felt too exhausted to go. But I couldn’t just say, nope, too tired. I felt I still had to go.

Why? Because that’s what I see so many other women doing. When they are tired, sick, worn out, running on fumes — they still show up and get the job done. So…that’s what I SHOULD do too. Those shoulds! They combine the shame of the past with the tyranny of the future into a crushing strangle-hold. But when I said, “The Lord IS my Shepherd…”, my thoughts shifted. I felt cared for and understood. I dismissed all those shoulds and began to think clearly. I knew right away that I needed to stay home and rest.

Pondering this deeper, I realized, my beloved Shepherd is more than an anchor to the present. He is my present. He is my reality.

The past and future are what???

Eckhart Tolle, in his book, “The Power of Now” beautifully explains the new way to look at the past and the future. The past is over and done. It is irretrievable and unattainable, no longer a part of reality. The same is true of the future. Until it becomes the present, it, too, is not in the realm of reality. We can remember the past and imagine the future but neither of them actually exists. They are only constructs of our minds. (Like hobbits, Star Trek or the Cleveland Browns winning the Superbowl*.) Despite the hundreds of books and films on time travel, we are never going to be magically transported to the past or the future. Because only the present is real.

“Choose Wisely”

When you think about it, there are lots of versions of reality out there. If you grow up in an abusive home, your version of reality is going to be very different than someone who grew up in a loving home. But here is a heavy-duty thought, we get to choose the reality that we live in. Have you ever had a season of personal growth and it changed the way you saw the world? That was your version of reality changing. We can choose our reality! That is one of the very cool super-powers human being have.

I choose my beloved Shepherd.

I choose to live in the present reality of his love and care, his provision and protection.

I choose to look UP to him as someone who is wiser, stronger, better; who knows more than I do, who always wants the best for me. I choose him as my reality.

Right here, right now

Wherever you are right now, whatever you are going through, struggling with, feeling defeated by — our Beloved Shepherd is with you, right here, right now. He is present. He is caring for and loving you. Psalm 146: says, “Blessed is he (or she) whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his (or her) God.” That’s what the Shepherd has for you — help and hope. Right here. Right now.

*My apologies to the Cleveland Browns and to the entire city of Cleveland which is a fine city with other outstanding sports teams. I apologize for all of us who continually make the Browns the butt of our jokes. I hope someday they actually win the Superbowl and put us all in our place.