Bearly Thoughts: On Creating Goodness: 2/1/2021

Today is Chinese New Year and it is the year of the Ox.  At times like this, it seems a good moment to take stock of things and to think about goodness: what is good in our lives and what has given rise to this goodness. 

So this year, I was reflecting upon those things in life that create goodness in my own life and in the lives of those around me: not good “feelings,” mind you, but actual goodness.  I take issue with the idea of good “feelings,” because those things which “feel” good have so often lead to sorrow and destruction in my own life and in the lives of those around me. 

After all, taking a baseball bat to a broken-down car, for example, feels great!  The sound of the glass shattering, the feeling of power as the metal husk gives way and leaves dents as evidence of your might. The same may be true in some cases when it comes to how we interact with others.  Little feels so good as getting that last verbal jab in that seals the deal and asserts your dominance in a debate or argument.  But is that bringing “goodness” into the world? 

Let's consider some other things that perhaps don’t feel so great but whose effects on reality are profound and arguably birth real goodness into this world...

Consider a person who has the strength to control their emotions. An argument or debate arises, and - while they have all of the words and ideas to put the other person in their place - they hold their tongue, keep their temper under control, and instead think about the other person more than themselves.  The person they are interacting with could be as wrong as the day is long, but a slow progressive question and affirmation when they move in the right direction is going to yield long-term benefits when compared to a sharp and coarse word.   What’s more, the relationship could be strengthened through the conflict; for, at the very least, the other person will know that you love them more than you love being “right”. 

Next, ponder with me that most excellent of institutions: motherhood.  How much service does a mother give their children in a day? A week? A month?  How often does a mother put the needs of her child above her own, sometimes to her own detriment?  And how blessed the life of the child whose mother considers her own “feelings” to be lesser than the expression of love she puts forth as an unappreciated offering for her child.  Now consider a world where everyone, daily, decided to set aside their own feelings and desires - even if only in part - so that they could offer an unappreciated offering of self-sacrifice to those around them.  It certainly may not “feel” very good in any particular moment, but what a tremendous upwelling of goodness it would bring into this world! 

Think with me now of that couple, married for longer than either can remember... married so long that they have fallen in and out of love many times over.  Consider that rare couple who embodies the vow “for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part.” The singular devotion to another person would clearly go through numerous ups and downs, and in some cases perhaps years where one or both never got what they “wanted” from each other or life.  But the long suffering lends a stability to both of their lives that is simply uncommon and magnificent.  Such a pair exist as an anchor to each other and their families in a brutal and ever-changing world.  What goodness such devotion brings into this world!  I do hope I am able to live up to such a lofty goal in my own marriage. 

I offer to you that to bring forth real “goodness” into this world requires self-sacrifice, long-suffering, and self-control!  These actions are the manifestation of those most blessed virtues faith, hope, and love, and those behaviors that communicate them most perfectly.