Clean Guilt

He slapped his own forehead, hard, when entering his house after work. He'd forgotten the anniversary.

It was too late to try to fix it. So he came clean with her.

"Babe, I'm sorry. I forgot about today."

The moment he apologized, she remembered their anniversary as well. Ah, but she could deflect the guilt, and berate him for forgetting!

Or...

"Oh my God, me too," she said covering her mouth. "Let's make up for it tomorrow."

She could have deflected guilt and berated him for forgetting. Or she could return his honesty, and keep the harmony between them.

Why did I write this?

Because I've noticed how weird my brain gets when I feel shame of guilt. I feel cornered the moment I do, like a rabbit looking for a way to get away from a fox. When I'm blamed for something, or when I know I haven't done something right, my brain starts looking for ways to excuse myself, or deflect the guilt and blame to place it on someone else. And I've seen many people do the same.

The reasons for this might vary. But mainly, I think it's because of how our mistakes and misbehavings were handled when we were little; harshly.

Which is fine. I'm not here to say that expecting and demanding a child to behave is the same as abusing that child. Not at all. Discipline and conscientiousness are important things to impart to children. It makes for better adults without a question.

But mistakes and misbehavings are two very different things. The latter, misbehavings, are conscious acts. Mistakes are part of the process of learning. Unfortunatley, many care takers are to pressured by everything else going on in their lives to really distinguish between the two, and so deal with them the same way. Either chastising or scolding.

This results in us looking for ways to avoid being scolded or chastised. It forces us to either strive to hide our mistakes, to rationalize them, or to place them on someone else if at all possible. House dogs and cats are probably the victims of misplaced bad acts more than the devil was blamed for sins in medieval times. And in regards to mistakes, I truly think it's a mistake to view them the same as misbehavings.

Were mistakes treated as things from which to learn, instead of things one should avoid doing at all costs lest the wrath of someone else is evoked, we could have much more harmonious treatings with ourselves, and others. The above text is an example of that. And sure, you might think it's fiction. But it's actually based on something that happened to me and my wife.

One day, we were lying down on bed, watching TV, and I got a text from a friend of ours, congratulating me. I asked why. He said because it was my anniversary with my wife.

"Huh," I said outloud.

"What?" she said next to me.

"It's our anniversary today."

"Oh, sh^&%, that's right!"

We had an amazingly good laugh, and celebrated that weekend. Every time we remembered the little anecdote, we'd laugh again and have a fun, harmonious time.

All because we owned up to our mistake, and recognized it wasn't such a big deal. In fact, I'd say that owning up to our mistakes is more responsible than trying to avoid, hide, or deflect them.

That's why I wrote this. I hope you enjoyed it, and like it if so. Thank you for reading.