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History of Weaponized Animals

Rowan LobdellApr 14, 2020, 4:13:46 PM
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A while back, fishermen off the coast of Norway found a new friend swimming about their boat on Friday. A lost beluga whale with a harness that read “Equipment of St. Petersburg.” The harness seemed to be meant for a camera and there is a Russian base in the region. The Russian military is very open about their use of marine animals in combat, especially dolphins. “We don’t cover that up” said Russian Col Viktor Baranets. However, the use of this whale has been only claimed as used for research.

Don’t be surprised at this. The Americans do this also. Training seals and dolphins, the U.S Navy Marine Mammal Program has been active since the 50s. The program has worked with more than a “dozen different species of marine mammals, as well as sharks, rays, sea turtles, and marine birds” as stated on their site.

But how long have nations been using animals as soldiers? What other innovations have been made to turn beast into tank? And what is the future of animal weapons? And just how badass did these war beasts get?

Dogs of Death

The first example of weaponized vertebrates is traced all the way back to ancient history. It is often thought that dogs were the first to be used in war. For example, the Molossian dog was bred by the Romans to be a Gaul grueling commando. They were said to have been garbed in spiked armor and even been able to assemble in attack formations. Great Danes were used to frighten horses thus causing the mount to fall prone. 

The Soviet Union used dogs as tank destroyers… yes, you heard me. Tank Destroying dogs. Fido was fitted with tilt-rod mines and trained to run beneath enemy tanks, which would detonate the mines automatically. However, the dogs were trained with stationary Russian tanks and very seldom ran under the moving tanks. Alas, they were tragically shot as they ran beside the moving tanks. When both Russian and German tanks were present, the dogs would preferentially run towards the familiar Russian tanks. No need to say that the Russians disbanded this program.

A lot of dogs nowadays are shot by the ATF. However, sometimes the police play the “Reverse” card on us. Dogs become cops. Their roles are nearly as varied as those of their ancient cousins, though they tend to be more rarely used in front-line formations. As of 2011, 600 U.S. Military dogs were actively participating in the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Not to confirm any 1984 hysteria but the latest canine tactical vests are outfitted with cameras and durable microphones that allow dogs to relay audio and visual information to their handlers. Mans best friend has officially become a tool for totalitarian espionage. In the 1970s the US Air Force used over 1,600 dogs worldwide. Today, personnel cutbacks (And the libertarian fight to lower taxes) have reduced USAF dog teams to approximately 530 (it should be zero), stationed throughout the world. Many dogs that operate in these roles are trained at Lackland Air Force Base, the only United States facility that currently trains dogs for military use. As a partner in crime, dogs have proven unsuspecting yet efficient officers. Police dogs can chase, track, and guard Boogaloo Fighters when they are caught. Please be careful! They are trained to respond viciously if their handler is attacked, and otherwise not to react at all unless they are commanded to do so by their handler. Many police dogs are also trained in detection as well.

Elephants. (Lord of the Rings style)

Elephants, with their massive stature and fearsome tusks have been employed in warfare since ancient times. Elephantry units were first incorporated in militaries in India, but throughout time, famous generals including Pyrrhus of Epirus, Hannibal, and Alexander the Great all used elephants to literally crush their opponents. War elephants were usually deployed in the center of the line, where the imposing beasts would charge at up to 20 mph toward the enemy. They were also used to carry heavy materials across difficult terrain before tanks and helicopters were an option.

Unlike horse-mounted cavalry, elephants didn’t fear infantry lines bearing spears — their muscular and articulate trunks could navigate a wall of spears much better than a charging horse. The mere sight of elephants charging was enough to break lines and cause many armies to flee in terror. Only cannon fire made the war elephants impractical. The giant animals were resilient against musket fire, but provided a huge target for cannons.

Off the battlefield, militaries still found ways to make use of elephants. As recently as 1987 Iraqi troops allegedly used elephants to transport heavy weaponry for use in Kirkuk. 

The Living Bombs

How do we deal with the enemy? Shove a bomb down an animal’s ass and sending it off. Animals have been used as bombs for quite awhile. The earliest record of this technique was used on our cousins. According to Pr. Shi Bo, monkeys were used in the beginning of the Southern Song Dynasty, in a battle between rebels and the Chinese Imperial Army. The monkeys were used as live incendiary devices. The animals were clothed with straw, dipped in oil and set on fire. They were set loose into the enemy’s camp, thereby setting the tents on fire, and driving the whole camp into chaos. 

Multiple birds were used as kamikaze bombers also. In 1267, the Sheriff of Essex was accused of plotting to release flying cockerels carrying bombs over London. A U.S. project used Mexican free-tailed bats to carry small incendiary bombs. This was a complete waste of taxpayer money by the way.

Historical accounts of incendiary pigs were recorded by the military writers Polyaenus and Aelian. Both writers reported that Antigonus II Gonatas’ siege of Megara in 266 BC was broken when the Megarians doused some pigs with combustible pitch, crude oil or resin, set them alight, and drove them towards the enemy’s massed war elephants.The elephants bolted in terror from the flaming, squealing pigs, often killing hordes of their own soldiers by trampling them to death.

Dead rats were prepared for use by the British Special Operations Executive in World War II against Germany. Rat carcasses were filled with plastic explosives, to be left in locations such as factories where, it was hoped, the stoker tending a boiler would likely dispose of the unpleasant discovery by shoveling it into the furnace, causing it to explode.[The rats contained only a small amount of explosive; however, a puncture of a high-pressure boiler could trigger a devastating boiler explosion. 

Spies

In the years before the First World War pigeon photography was introduced to military intelligence gathering. Although employed during major battles like at Verdun and Somme, the method was not particularly successful. (Notice a trend here?) Various attempts in this direction were made during the Second World War as well. A CIA pigeon camera dating from the 1970s is displayed in the CIA Museum; details of CIA missions using this camera are still classified. 

The Acoustic Kitty was a CIA project to use surgically modified cats to spy on the Kremlin and Soviet embassies in the 1960s. Despite expenditure of around $10 million, the project failed to produce practical results and was cancelled in 1967. Documents about the project were declassified in 2001. 

In 2006, The Independent ran a story that the “Pentagon develops brain implants to turn sharks into military spies”. And in 2007, Iranian authorities captured 14 squirrels, which were allegedly carrying spying equipment. The story was widely dismissed in the West as “nuts”. 

A number of spying scares in the Middle East involved birds. According to Israeli ornithologist Yossi Leshem, Sudanese authorities detained an Egyptian vulture in the late 1970s, and a white pelican in the early 1980s, both carrying Israeli equipment used for animal migration tracking. A more wider known event was the 2011 capture by a Saudi farmer of a griffon vulture, which was eventually released by the Saudi authorities after they determined that the Israeli equipment it carried was used for scientific purposes. This was followed by international mockery and criticism of the Arab media outlets which uncritically had reported on the bird’s alleged role in espionage. In 2012, a dead European bee-eater tagged with an Israeli leg band was found by villagers near the south-eastern Turkish city of Gaziantep. The villagers were obviously worried that the bird may have carried a micro-chip from Israeli intelligence to spy on the area. Turkish authorities examined the corpse of the bee-eater and assured villagers that it is common to equip migratory birds with rings in order to track their movements.

Lastly… The Badass Bear in Battle!

Wojtek was born in in 1942, but by the end of World War II, he was a corporal in the Polish Army. After being released from a Siberian labor camp during the Nazi invasion of Russia in 1942, the 22nd Polish Supply Brigade began a long trek south toward Persia. It was then that they encountered Wojtek. The bear became a mascot for the troops in its youth. The bear would frequently drink alcohol and smoke, even eat, cigarettes with the men.

After a long journey, Wojtek’s company finally reached Egypt where they prepared to reenter the war zone through Italy. The army had strict rules denying pets passage to war zones, so the company did the only thing they could — they made Wojtek an official soldier. Wojtek, at a massively strong 440 pounds, carried weapons and munitions much faster than the men in his company. Eventually, Wojtek became so symbolic of the company that they immortalized them on their emblem. 

 Thus to show our appreciation for this bear, the Bearing Liberty bear in the logo is named Wojtek.